My first bad-good day of 2012.

Today I had struggled with my self esteem.
Today I overreacted over something that seems completely silly at the moment.
Today,
I tried to sratch my arm with my own finger nails.

Sometimes you go through phased in life and realise, "I'm not important to anyone." Well, not a lot of people know this, but that is how I feel about everyone. I mean, I don't feel like I am important to my friends. My friends do not make an effort to actually talk to me. They do not really care. And so, I treat them as if I am a genuine c***. My family, I have complex relationships with. I often feel like I do not belong in my family. I am the only one from my sibling who does not know how to speak her father's language. (I'm mixed) I often feel like I am a disappointment to my father and that if I were never born, my family would do better. I felt like my mother would never actually listen to what I said even if it was important. I felt like my mother didn't actually care about me. I was wrong.

Readers, please take it from me, there is no one on this Earth who is more important than your mother. Your mother is the most precious thing in life and death, there is no words to explain. If your mother decided that you will go to hell, God will send you there at the Day of Judgement. Your father, yes, he is important, however the father is just for support. Your mother, your mother, your mother, then your father. That's how it is. Please, readers, do not try to get away from your parents even if you feel like you want to die and that your life sucks. When you finally get your "freedom" and your own apartment those days would be the most loneliest days of your life. I personally do not fear anything more than the day my parents will pass. Even if I do not know the date, I dread it so much.

Please, no matter how angry and furious you get because of something your parents did, make sure to forgive them and apologise as well. It is not your right as a child to get mad at them in the first place and it is out of respect that you should apologise.

I thank God so much that I have both my parents standing by my side right here, right now.

I think you should all be thankful too.

Labels: diary, Life, Personal